Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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