She's JV to your varsity
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
