I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
