I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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