Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
