It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
