just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
