yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
