New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
