At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
