WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
