You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
