This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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