He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
