his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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