i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
