i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
