I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
