those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
