Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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