i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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