Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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