guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
