So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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