I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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