there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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