ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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