ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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