My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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