You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
