im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
