I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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