the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're like the curious george of whores
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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