He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
