last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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