Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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