He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
