we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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