Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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