Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
