I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
