ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
