Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
