yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Randomize
