You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
