so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
