guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
