are you so shy because you have an std?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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