he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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