You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
