It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
