I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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