they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
