if only i could text you this smell
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
